Goodbye Grandma

There has to be some perfect equation where all possible variables in some extremely large equation balance out. I have a good job, my wife and son live in a decent and safe neighborhood. I've never had more access to ways to improve my education and further my career.
Not everything is roses. We're fed, safe and clean - but most extra is taken in paying people back from the move. Work didn't payout all of our expenses - we've been paying people back piecemeal, but it sucks anyway.

Then, there is the fact that my oldest daughter moved back in with my mom, so I had to help with some of the moving expenses from AR to IL. It's a good thing that she is there. Nikki and my mom compliment each other.

My grandma died today. She's been in very rough shape for the last year. She visited early on in 2013 - she told my mom she felt it was coming and it was time to visit her friends for the last time. Grandma was proud of me, she told me so once during her visit. She had no idea what I did for a living. She went peacefully and had been in pain for quite a while. Like all grandmas she was sweet and cooked like no one's business. She went surrounded by those who adored her.

I will admit to feeling a bit ashamed that I didn't spend more time with her in the last few years. I do remember Pine Village and spending summers with her fondly. She let me crash on her couch in my wayward and wasted years a few times. I remember one year it was really hot, 94 or 95 I think it was and that whole year I never got a better nights sleep then when I crashed on her couch. Cherry Cheesecake will forever be a grandma thing; she used them to lure me to her house on Sundays.

Today was my 11 year old sons birthday party. The first one I've ever missed. A month after I started here my 13 year old had a birthday - I missed that one too. I tire of missing those moments. Professionally it's never been better, Lex and Ashley are doing really well with play groups, trips to the library and integrating with California. I know if I keep at this for 20 years my kids and wife will have much less to worry about. I just wish I didn't have to be so far away from the kids, or not be there to say goodbye to Grandma.

I have no real reason to complain. My kids aren't in the projects anymore, we've all got health insurance, I'm gainfully employed at a major league school laboratory, everyone is fed.
So I'll be thankful that the equation is balancing out for the positive. Everyone's time here ends at some point and Grandma left behind a few dozen grandkids and great-grandkids who are all doing better than average. Everyone takes their lumps and fortunately ours are fewer than most.

Goodbye Grandma


I had a much more thought-out comment, but then lost it. 

I do want to say, though, that I am sorry for your loss. All of my grandmothers have been gone for years now, and I still miss them. 

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The man behind the curtain

Vincent is above all things, a dad. Time that is not spent learning what it is to be a dad and enjoying that journey is spent immersed in the ever evolving realm of all things digital.  He likes to tinker with anything electronic. Often that means making his android phone do complex, but silly things.  He likes to experiment with new languages and stays current on new development strategies and methods. His life is often consumed with being a middling squire and apprentice Armorer